Panda's don't like red

I was luckily enough to be celebrating national sex and rose’s day (Valentines day) with my best friend Sarah (@soapy_soul)– the trending hashtag between us being #foreveralonetogether.

Our merlot stained lips were never silent for more than a minute –love, exes, relationships, jobs, family, heels, and life. And I can honestly say it was the best valentines night I could have asked for. There is nothing better than the person you care bout more than anything in this world sitting with you on a day that celebrates love.

Here are some of my panda ponderings this valentines day:

•  I am sure there were high numbers of people having sex to Whitney Houston’s “I will always love you” – why not celebrate death and love together – killing two love birds with one stone.

• ·         I think that people in relationships actually enjoy valentines a lot less than single people. Singletons expect nothing and therefore cannot be disappointed. Although I still can’t believe that Dean from accounts didn’t at least wish me a happy valentines day. I will not smile enticingly at him next time he walks past my desk

• ·         My mom is magic. She knows that the perfect way to my heart is not through heart shaped chocolates with red shiny foil. It is through red coloured denim skinnies. I was a vision in skin-tight red yesterday, thank you mom.

• ·         I actually don’t like dates. I don’t like pre-date shaving, I don’t like the fact that I always show up late for dates, I don’t like the do-I-hug-him-or-kiss-him hello, I don’t like wandering if my meal is too expensive, I don’t like worrying about salad/spinach in my teeth and I especially don’t like the fact that I don’t get asked out on dates to worry about these things. 

• ·         Everydate I am bill shuffling. After taking a poll amongst my friends I found out that I am the only one that still bill shuffles. Maybe I am amongst the rare few but I think it is a sweet gesture to offer. Heaven help me if he really takes me up on it because my bank balance by this time is usually R0.23 and then I naturally wouldn’t have had prawns. But of course this only happens when I am asked out on a date. That is why maybe I am not up to date on bill etiquette.

·          My best friend dropped a dumpling in her lap when taken to a fancy restaurant - The Orient in Rosebank – on a date. The guy never called again. I don’t understand that. If a lap dumpling isn’t enough to break the tension then I don’t know what is.

·         One thing I learnt yesterday – even if you think it is cute tying a red bow around your cats neck and tweeting it… it is not. Dear future catwoman spinster (ie me)- Refrain from doing this next year if you want to keep your followers

• ·         I think valentines day presents are boring. Maybe I am geeky but get me the below instead and I will sex you madly all night:

Realistic Gummy hearts - because valentine heart jellies are too mainstream

In fashion i feel like my tape measure is the noose I wear around my neck every day. But for this amazing necklace shucks I would wear my noose proudly. If you want to measure up to my standars of gift giving - buy me this!!

Please, for Heavens sake don't set the mood with candles. I am clumsy and therefore it is a fire hazard. Get me a gummy night light. It sets the mood and is teddy bear shaped. Plus i am afraid of the dark slightly so get me this and I won't spoon you so tightly. Win-win for you.

I am a girl. I love chocolate but I don't want to pick up extra kilos because then I won't want to get naked. This will effect you negatively. So rather just get me chocolate spray.

However. If you do get me chocolate - get me this. Oh please oh please oh pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease